When Guilt Won’t Let Go: How to Move Forward After a Past Mistake with OCD and Anxiety

For many people, guilt is like a passing storm, uncomfortable, maybe even painful, but temporary. For those with OCD and anxiety, though, guilt can feel like a fog that refuses to lift. It hangs in the background, or sometimes crashes to the foreground, long after the moment has passed.

I work with so many clients who aren’t just feeling guilt in the moment. They’re feeling haunted by something that happened weeks, months, or years ago, something they may or may not have done, something they already apologized for, something that no longer matters to anyone but them. And yet, they can’t move forward.

If you’ve ever felt stuck in a guilt spiral about a past mistake, especially if you live with OCD or anxiety, this post is for you.

What Guilt Is Supposed to Do

Let’s start with the basics: guilt is a moral emotion. It’s meant to help us recognize when we’ve acted outside our values. Ideally, it nudges us toward accountability and change, to take responsibility, to make amends, to reconnect with the kind of person we want to be.

But for people with OCD or anxiety, guilt often gets distorted. It becomes chronic, excessive, and punishing, looping in your mind like a broken record. You may feel unsure whether what you did was “bad enough” to warrant guilt or find yourself rehashing something over and over just to make sure you didn’t cause harm.

Guilt stops being a signpost and starts being a prison.

OCD, Anxiety & the Guilt Loop

There’s a reason this happens.

OCD and anxiety often come with traits like:

• Hyper-responsibility (feeling like you’re responsible for everything and everyone),

• Perfectionism (believing you must handle everything the right way),

• Intolerance of uncertainty (needing to know for sure that you didn’t hurt someone),

• and mental reviewing/rumination (going over events repeatedly to try and make guilt go away).

Even a small or accidental mistake like forgetting to text someone back, snapping at your partner during a rough day, or unintentionally hurting someone’s feelings, can feel catastrophic in the OCD brain.

And when you’ve actually made a mistake, OCD often refuses to let you move on. It tells you:

• “You should feel bad…forever.”

• “You need to keep thinking about this until you’re sure you’ve suffered enough.”

• “You’re not allowed to forgive yourself yet, you might still be a bad person.”

But here's the truth: guilt is not proof of wrongdoing, and ruminating is not the same as repair.

Moving Forward After a Mistake, Without Replaying It Forever

Whether you did something mildly hurtful, completely unintentional, or even made a decision you regret, the truth is this: you’re allowed to move forward. Growth doesn’t require eternal punishment. In fact, guilt only helps us grow when we know when to let it go.

Here are some gentle, actionable steps to help you do just that:

1. Check: Has Action Been Taken?

Ask yourself:

• Have I apologized (if needed)?

• Have I repaired or attempted to make things right?

• Have I committed to showing up differently in the future?

If the answer is yes, then guilt’s job is done. Anything beyond this is probably OCD/anxiety trying to create false certainty or reassurance. Continuing to ruminate won't make you “more moral,” it just keeps you stuck.

2. Distinguish Between Guilt and Shame

Guilt says: “I did something wrong.”
Shame says: “I am wrong.”

OCD tends to blur the line between the two, turning even tiny slip-ups into reflections of your entire identity. This can lead to feeling undeserving of forgiveness, especially from yourself.

One thing I remind my clients of often: you can hold yourself accountable without defining yourself by the mistake. You are not your worst moment.

3. Practice Radical Self-Forgiveness

This doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior. It means recognizing that being human includes messing up, feeling regret, learning, and moving forward.

Try telling yourself:

• “That version of me didn’t know what I know now.”

• “I can be both flawed and worthy.”

• “I am more than this moment, and I choose to grow.”

If OCD pushes back, asking “but what if you don’t deserve to forgive yourself?” name that voice for what it is: fear, not truth.

4. Stop the Compulsive Reviewing

Mental reviewing, confession, and constant self-questioning can feel like problem-solving, but they actually reinforce guilt and keep it alive.

Instead, practice “non-engagement”:
Notice the urge to review, and gently disengage.
Try: “That’s the guilt loop again. I’m choosing not to go there right now.”

This takes practice, and you’ll likely feel discomfort at first. That’s normal. But freedom is on the other side of resisting the urge to fix the unfixable.

5. Recommit to Your Values

Instead of trying to erase the past, ask yourself:
“What kind of person do I want to be going forward?”

Let guilt guide you back to your values, not into endless self-punishment.

You might say:

• “That moment reminded me how much I value kindness.”

• “Next time, I’ll speak up with more honesty.”

• “I want to show up with more care, and I’ll keep practicing that.”

This is how real growth happens, not through replaying the past, but by choosing how you want to show up now.

You Are Allowed to Heal

If you're living in the shadow of a past mistake, especially with the weight of OCD or anxiety making it feel 100x heavier, I want you to hear this clearly:

You don’t have to keep punishing yourself to prove you’re a good person.
You are already a good person, trying your best with a brain that works overtime.
You can hold your past with compassion and still walk forward with your head high.

Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. It means forgiving.
And forgiving doesn’t mean excusing. It means choosing to no longer live in the prison of the past.

You deserve peace.