Postpartum OCD and Anxiety: My Story and What Every New Parent Should Know

When I became a mother, I expected sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and emotional ups and downs. What I didn’t expect was the constant, suffocating fear…the kind that hijacked my thoughts and made it hard to breathe. It wasn’t just worry. It was obsessive, irrational, and exhausting. Looking back, I now know I was struggling with postpartum OCD and anxiety, two conditions that often go undiscussed but affect many new parents.

My Experience: The Fear No One Talks About

In the early weeks after my baby was born, I couldn’t sleep. I wasn’t just tired, I was afraid. I thought that if I closed my eyes, he might stop breathing. I’d lie awake, heart pounding, watching his chest rise and fall. Sometimes I’d lean in so close, just to be sure. I was always checking. Always bracing for the worst.

Then the intrusive thoughts started.

They were horrifying. Images of someone accidentally dropping him. Hurting him. Even me hurting him, something I would never do, but the thoughts wouldn’t stop. Every time one came, I felt consumed with shame and guilt. I thought there was something deeply wrong with me.

Later, I began to develop an overwhelming fear that I might pass out or become unconscious while I was alone with him, especially during bath time. The thought of something happening to me and him being left helpless terrified me. So I did what OCD makes you do: I created routines and safety behaviors.

I would call or text my husband when I was alone with the baby. I would check and re-check the room. Is it safe? What if I collapse? Will he be okay? If I didn't follow this mental checklist, the fear would spiral. I truly believed that if I didn't do X, Y, or Z, something awful would happen. And so the compulsions grew.

Even when I returned to work, the checking didn’t stop. I’d text my mom constantly, asking if he was okay. Sometimes I’d panic, convinced I’d left him in the car, even though I knew he was safe. It felt like my mind wouldn’t give me a moment’s rest.

But what I was going through wasn’t “just new mom anxiety.” It was postpartum OCD and anxiety, and it’s more common than we think.

What Is Postpartum Anxiety and OCD?

Postpartum anxiety and postpartum OCD are real, treatable mental health conditions that can arise after childbirth. While postpartum depression gets more attention, anxiety and OCD are often overlooked and misunderstood.

Postpartum Anxiety may include:

• Constant or overwhelming worry

• Feeling on edge, restless, or irritable

• Racing thoughts or a sense of dread

• Physical symptoms like nausea, rapid heartbeat, or difficulty breathing

• Trouble sleeping or relaxing even when the baby is calm

Postpartum OCD can include:

• Intrusive thoughts – disturbing, unwanted mental images or fears (e.g., harm coming to your baby, even at your own hand, though these thoughts are ego-dystonic and terrifying to you)

• Compulsions or rituals – behaviors done to “neutralize” anxiety or prevent feared outcomes (e.g., checking, calling for reassurance, safety arranging, cleaning, avoiding)

• Mental compulsions – such as replaying scenarios, mentally “undoing” a thought, or going through safety checklists

• Avoidance – of situations, places, or objects (e.g., bath time, stairs, kitchen knives)

Important: Intrusive thoughts do not mean you’ll act on them. Parents with OCD are deeply distressed by these thoughts because they go against everything they value. Having them does not make you dangerous.

You’re Not Alone

If this sounds familiar, please hear me: you’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. What you're feeling is a response to a massive emotional, hormonal, and neurological shift. Postpartum OCD and anxiety are not your fault.

So many of us suffer in silence because we’re scared to say the thoughts out loud. I was terrified of being judged or misunderstood. But when I finally reached out, I learned that healing is possible, and that these symptoms are treatable with the right support.

What Helps

• Therapy — especially Inference-based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (ICBT), Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) helps face the fears without feeding them.

• Medication — under the guidance of a doctor, this can make a major difference in reducing the intensity of anxiety and intrusive thoughts.

• Speaking honestly — with your partner, friends, and therapist can help release some of the shame you have been carrying.

• Compassion — practicing self-kindness instead of punishment, realizing that mental health struggles do not define your worth or your capacity to love your child.

Helpful Resources

If you’re experiencing postpartum OCD or anxiety, here are some trusted organizations and tools that can help:

Education & Support

• Postpartum Support International (PSI) – postpartum.net
  Call or text their Helpline: 1-800-944-4773 (EN/ES)
  Offers free online support groups, a provider directory, and a helpline.

• The Motherhood Center – themotherhoodcenter.com
  Specialized support for postpartum mood and anxiety disorders.

• International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) – iocdf.org
  Offers OCD-specific info, including on postpartum OCD.

• NOCD- learn.nocd.com

  Offers OCD treatment as well as free resources for those with OCD

Books

• Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman

• Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts by Kleiman & Wenzel

• Reaching for Hope: An Illustrated Guide to Postpartum OCD by Karen Kleiman

Postpartum OCD and anxiety often hide in plain sight. They're quiet, persistent, and shame-filled, and that makes them powerful. But once we shine a light on them, their grip begins to loosen.

You are not broken. You are not a danger. You are a loving, devoted parent going through something incredibly hard. Help is out there and peace is possible.

You're not alone, and you don’t have to carry this alone.